So here we are in December, after a harum scarum year chock full of strangeness and scandal. I have been working at this dating thing since January, starting online and finally ending up hanging out with someone I met at a beach meetup 6 months ago. The biggest hurdle to this process wasn’t not finding men, but not finding someone who could meet the basic criteria of being a friend, which is what I needed most. We had uber giddy romantic Flower Guy and then there was geek nerd guy who wasn’t as fun as I thought he’d be, and then finally I tried the person that liked me for me and won.
And I will admit that at first I was like ‘who is this crazy man?’, and there was other stuff going on so I couldn’t quite concentrate on him, but when I did I was rewarded with the thing I was looking for but couldn’t find: someone who would leave me alone and accept me as I am, with my weird jokes and puerile behavior and a propensity to wear ripped up sweat pants. I got the relaxing, no stress thing that I have always wanted. Love is this thing that I don’t get, because the meaning seems to shift constantly with no real way of knowing exactly what someone means when they say that word or act like they adore you. People can be super loving and attentive, then disappear, so how can you count on that?
There’s something amazing about just being left alone. Something incredible about someone who literally likes you as you are as a human being. Likes your spirit and personality. The body and face can be changed, you can alter your appearance with surgery or makeup or designer clothing, but you can’t change who you are. Every time I hang out with someone I feel a war inside myself, trying to be real but seeing that they can’t handle me in my entirety and don’t want to. Being around this person gives me peace and freedom, which is better than flowers (although I like those, too). So that’s the end, I’m done. Terms and boundaries have been discussed, preferences have been noted, and an agreement has been struck. I don’t need him, don’t have to depend on him, can live without him…but don’t have to.
I met someone in real life who saw me as I was and chose me. Finally. I can finally settle in and work on being a happy woman.
xoxo, Faith/Sassy Ethnic Bohemian