* I know it’s Tuesday, but I took off for the holiday yesterday, so I’m playing catchup.
So the first three months of the year, I upped my ok cupid game, put myself out there and did actually end up dating someone for nearly a month. After an abrupt breakup, it was time to rethink my strategy and get back out there. Why? Because why sit alone sniveling when you can go find someone who you really want to be with who really likes you?
After I got done being angry about my breakup, I had to really ask myself what it was I wanted. Did I just want sex, did I want to get married, and what kind of expectations did I have from the men I was communicating with? Was it about not being alone? What kind of person did I really want? I had to dig really deep to figure out that I wanted someone who would reflect me back to me in a positive light. I’m not sure if that’s narcissistic or anything, but that’s what I want. I also figured out that I just like going out and I don’t really need a boyfriend to do that, just some cash in my pocket.
I hung out on ok cupid for a week or two before deciding that their method didn’t really work for me. I did get messages, I did have phone conversations, but by and large I felt that the questions didn’t really tell you what the person was about, nor did it weed out the wrong types. I put up profiles on some other online dating sites and compared the types of results I was getting to determine if I wanted to keep going. April was bad because I was sad about the breakup and pushing myself to try new things, but by May I had a new game plan; I was going to start going out by myself.
I actually ended up meeting someone that way, so it worked out. There’s something really gratifying about having someone look at you in real life and be attracted to you. It’s also amazing to look at someone and feel yourself liking them. So old fashioned! And because I was paying my own way, there wasn’t the idea that I owed him or that he was buying me. It was more equal. Which of course makes regular dating, where the man is expected to pay feel even more confining to me. It’s funny how, after all this feminist talk, it’s still expected that men pay a woman’s way on a date. I’m not saying I don’t like that, I would be a hypocrite to say that, but paying for your own beer won’t kill you.
I didn’t want to stop messing around with my online dating profiles yet, so while I’m getting to know my new friend, I’ve been experimenting with new methods to disrupt the process and make it work. I deleted the profiles on sites that didn’t have a good pool of men to choose from and concentrated on tinder. I noticed that I wasn’t getting very many tinder matches, so I decided to just right swipe everything in my path. The result? The first day I did that, I unearthed 20 matches.
They were reasonably attractive, educated, seemed to be gainfully employed, different races. One didn’t speak English, so I’m iffy about that. I also came across someone that I used to be good friends with ages ago, so that was nice. Even if I don’t end up with a tinder guy, the men are out there if you’re willing to just let go and right swipe. Nobody can see you, and you can unmatch if you think it won’t work. But I think it’s gratifying to see that people are willing to pick you, even if they’re not what you think you want.
Because let’s be real, even the rich and fabulous break up. Even supermodels get rejected. So there’s no real reason that you can’t find someone to be with…unless you just don’t want to.
xoxo, Faith/Sassy Ethnic Bohemian