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the ‘zombiefoot’ summer sandal season makeover (ugly foot photos, you have been warned!)


So, when I lived in Chicago I had a routine- get paid, get my nails done at Nail Bar. This was like a religious ritual. I went to the one at 537 Diversey. I didn’t have much else, but I had fat, pampered little feet. I lived for cheap sandals (Forever 21 was my jam back then!)

Since then, I moved to New York and at first I was going to Bliss Spa at the W hotel on 49th Street? But my finances changed and I let that go. i let my pampered little tootsies deflate and treated them like two strangers. Sad.


This January I had had enough. Polar Vortex or no- my feet needed attention and fast. When you let your feet go, you’re saying ‘goodbye cruel world, I have nothing to live for!’ I had to get it together. I started out with the big guns- salicylic acid drops from Target, and those corn plasters from Dr. Scholl’s. These socks from Jack’s 99 World were my best friends, covering all the ugliness with bright colors and patterns. .


It gets worse before it gets better, obviously. This is what my feet looked like- just nasty. Like something from The Walking Dead. At first you despair thinking, my whole foot is peeling away, my toes will be scarred for life! No one will love me! But get a grip, because it’s not that serious.


See? better, right? And I kept the rest of my foot buffed and scraped, and at first used Vaseline to keep them from being dry and cracked. This is how I got through the winter. It took about 4 weeks? But I had these at the end. Not bad.


I fine-tuned my feet with the Tweezerman Studio Collection’s Sole Mates duo. One side is a file, the other is a smoother. This salicylic ointment from Origins (Reinventing the Heel) has peppermint oil and works like a dream on feet and hands to slough off dead skin. The effect is nearly instantaneous. The Tweezerman Pushy Cuticle Pusher and Nail Cleaner is a pro quality tool for home use. Makes you feel all serious and professional in the tub while doing your nails.


I got these Rescue Beauty Lounge terrycloth flip-flops at my favorite thrift store for $1, luckily. They were exactly what I needed to get in the mood to polish my toenails, and they cushion my feet like sneakers. I used Illamasqua’s Shattered Star nail varnish in Fire Rose and Marquise- because one coat and you look like you’re done. Two coats deepens the color. I love the matte, textured effect and the glitter isn’t garish. It gleams subtly, like Dorothy’s ruby slippers.


The finishing touch? Grown-up and chic sandals! I love the Weavement style from Cat Footwear, which is right on the gladiator trend. They make your feet look skinny and sexy. Real leather, ladies- and the guys love them. Check out Vince Camuto’s heeled Odetta version! I’m also wearing the Zosia sandal, which offers more coverage, has style, and is also super comfortable. You can walk miles in them and the soft, supple leather works with slacks or dresses. Payless is also a great place to find up to date styles, like these studded ones.

It’s too late to hide now, people. It’s time to get those tootsies cleaned up and ready for presentation! You can do it, and you’ll feel so much better afterwards.



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